What Can Even Be Said?

Your heart breaks if you think about it.

If you move beyond the numbers of people dead, of innocents dead, of children dead; if you move beyond the rhetoric thousands of miles away, that dominates the airwaves and the newsfeeds, that seems almost as tragic for the health of our community; if you move beyond the endless demonization of the Other, of their lives, hopes and fears, of their religion and their narratives, of Our religion and our narratives — you are just left with pain.

And the thing is, I don’t feel like I have any answers any more.  I used to think I did.  When I read the op-eds, when I talk with friends and family, I know which rhetoric speaks to me and which repels me.  Now I think I know why.

It is because, deep down, I am the kind of person that would rather be killed than kill.

That is why I am drawn to seek peace, to attempt to see everyone’s humanity, and to suspect power.  But I know now, after interminable weeks of suffering, personally and vicariously, that this does not mean that I have any answers.  All I know is that I would not want to be making any decisions on the ground.    I know the solution that I, as one individual, yearn for and would see realized במהרה בימינו.  But I do not know anything about how to get there, about the right way to get there, if there is one.

Your heart breaks if you think about it.

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